I’m back camming online after almost two decades and found some cool new features. There’s one titled “Gold Show” where you list something that you’re willing to do for a certain amount of money. You then get bidders willing to pay up to see it. I clicked on the “Start New Show” button and after thoroughly thinking about it, I titled it “Me Getting Fucked” and set the amount to six-hundred dollars. Within a few minutes, I got a bidder for 800$.
I called Shawn and asked him if he wanted to be part of it, and he agreed. My heart was racing with so much adrenaline and the excitement I was feeling almost made me orgasm before we even started. Me and Shawn role-played for a little bit.
“Where do you want me to fuck you?”, he said.
“Right here, on the bed”, I answered.
He stared at me and then crept over to me as if we were filming a porno. I began to suck him off to get him hard and then laid on my back and spread my legs. Shawn fucked me bareback for almost an hour, making my body sore. Once we were done, I felt so light-headed that I couldn’t even get up. I felt totally numbed and drained. There was absolutely no energy left in me. The bidder gave us an extra two-hundred and we split the whole amount in half.
After our short fuck, we went out to a bar and had a few drinks. I didn’t get drunk, but he did. He started talking about his loneliness and how he never thought I’d stay friends with him after he revealed to me the details about his past life.
“You’re a good guy, Felix. I appreciate you for being you,” he said.
“I’m not sure I’m a good guy, but I’m definitely myself when I’m with you,” I responded.
He held my hand, and I looked at it not knowing how to react. It was the first time he touched me in a non-sexual way. I pulled away and assured him that I’ll always be there for him, but that he shouldn’t solely rely on me for comfort, and he respected that. When I said I wanted to leave, he asked if he could come with, and I told him I needed to rest.
Back in my apartment, I jumped into bed and did some online shopping, but was immediately interrupted by suicidal texts sent from him saying things like, “The world doesn’t want me”, and “If I had a gun, I’d be gone.” I stared at my phone for a while, worried and a bit indifferent, and decided not to respond. Shawn didn’t strike me as the suicidal type; he was definitely scared and seemed to need extra attention. But then I thought about Robert and how ignoring signs of dark thoughts and suicidal tendencies actually led him to actually commit suicide. My blood ran cold just imagining Shawn doing the same, so I looked up ways to deal with the situation online and quickly ran across a 24/7 suicide hotline. I dialed the number and waited; I was too tired to go back to the bar and talk him out of it. I was transferred to a woman named Misha who asked me for details about Shawn’s identity and whereabouts. She told me to keep my phone close because she was going to get back to me after dealing with him and surely enough, I did. Half an hour later, I fell asleep while waiting for her call back. I woke up the next day and looked at my phone and there were no missed calls. I texted Shawn and my messages were delivered but without any response. I called, and I was transferred to his voicemail. I tried not to worry, and he eventually texted back like nothing happened.
Two days later, we went out again and he seemed fine. I was curious to know whether or not Misha had called him, so I asked him if he got a weird call that night, and he instantly froze when I asked.
“You’re scaring me right now”, he said.
“Why?”, I asked.
“You were the one behind that?”
I nodded.
I didn’t want to annoy him by asking for further details and moved our conversation to making lame comments on the drag race show happening in front of us. When we left the bar, I walked him to the train station where he kissed me on the lips and hugged me. I was certain he appreciated what I did for him, and walking back home, I was just glad that although I wasn’t certain he was going to harm himself that night, interfering the way I did was the right thing to do. After Robert, there was no way I was going to go through life with more blood on my hands.
Felix Eberstark 