After reflecting upon my life throughout the years, the conclusion I’ve drawn is that I’m a fucked up and terrible human being by default which automatically makes me highly disposable. Looking back, I couldn’t go through life without jeopardizing and screwing up every single friendship and relationship, and that’s because I’m so used to being abandoned. Hurting people before they hurt me worked as a defense mechanism. People say they love me and care about me until they start hating me; it’s happened with everyone. It’s like a cycle I’ve created for myself. I feel like I can easily anticipate what’s coming next.
I think I’ve reached a very critical phase in my life where the choices that I’ve been offered are finally narrowing down to one which is to delve back into the world of high-end escort. I’m finally leaving my current personal and professional life behind. I’m disposing of all of that and moving forward into the next step which is fully engaging myself in the world I’ve been introduced to a decade ago. It’s funny how life works. You go through it experiencing various bumps along the way, but it will somehow still make sure you end doing what you were always meant to be doing. This is my destiny. I don’t see myself doing anything else. And now, it’s going to be way easier for me to engage deeper and deeper into it because I no longer have to juggle between two different lives and keep this one a secret.
After my past has been exposed I feel more liberated than ever, and I’m no longer ashamed of it. I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of me anymore. It’s me against the world. It was me against the world the whole time.
Felix Eberstark 