I woke up this morning to a message sent by a guy named Mikaël who’s originally from Germany but is currently living in Paris for work. His status says he’s in an open relationship. We chatted for a couple of hours before he asked me out.
When I was younger, I’ve had multiple offers to date or hookup with guys, but I’ve never done it. My parents controlled every single part of my life, and my mother monitored me all the time. I was so paranoid she’d be spying on me when I’d go out with my friends. If I was out late, and I missed one of her calls, she’d freak out, and a huge fight would follow as soon as I stepped foot in the door. Living with my parents was the worst thing I’ve ever had to endure. It was unbearable. Now, I can do whatever the fuck I want. And the fact that I’m doing it here, in my hometown where I pretty much was afraid to do anything, is such a relief for me.
I met up with Mikaël at this discreet gay bar I used to hear a lot about growing up but was too afraid to even pass by worried someone I know might see me and get the wrong idea. We met up at a park nearby and walked there together. When we got there, the place was packed. We sat at a table, but it was too overwhelming for us to be surrounded by a lot of people so we moved to a more private area filled with floor cushions aligned against the wall. We picked a spot, sat next to each other, ordered our second round of drinks and as we talked and got comfortable with each other, our bodies got closer and we started making out. We left the bar right after its closing time, and he drove me back home. Before dropping me off though, he parked his car on the side of a secluded, pitch dark trail around my neighborhood. He shut down the car’s engine and turned to me. We made out again, unzipped both of our pants and jerked each other off until we came.
When I returned home, we said our goodbyes, and I watched him drive off, his car slowly disappearing in the darkness. I walked inside Frieda’s house and tiptoed my way to the bathroom. I went in, turned the lights on and found sperm stains all over my pants. I stared at myself in the mirror, remembering every second of the night while the bar’s music still echoed in my head. And in that moment, I couldn’t help but smile.