Do people only get jealous when they care? It depends. For instance, when I first moved to the States and met Ryan, I felt a particular kind of connection that I’ve never felt with anyone before. It wasn’t friendship or love. It was much more than that. Naturally, trusting him didn’t come easily. It took me some time to feel comfortable around him and tell him things. What we had and still have is rare, and I feel like a senseless traitor every time I take a step back and reflect on our past together.
I’ve deprived my best friend from his one and only love. Tye was, to Ryan, what I thought Matt was to me. His person. What doesn’t make sense to me though is the fact that I would’ve done what I had done to him again if I was taken back in time. Tye was a threat to me and to our friendship. One of us had to go. It was either me or him. I couldn’t accept being pushed around by him. I had to stand up for myself. I know I sound selfish saying this, but it’s the truth, and it can’t be denied. He had to go. That said, I never wished death on him. I just wanted him out of the picture.
On the other hand, there’s the kind of jealousy Matt and many other psychotic and obsessive lovers portray. The most prevalent kind, and the kind that’s the most difficult to cope with. When we first got involved together, every time we went out and I glanced at someone else in our surrounding or someone else glanced at me, he would notice right away, and his eyes and facial expressions would darken. He would become distant and distracted, annoyed to the point he’d want to leave the place we were at immediately. Matt believed and acted as if I was his property, something he owned and wanted to control. Although it’s only rational to know that he couldn’t own me, that’s what he always did; I was his. I didn’t think much about it at first. I loved the fact he was really into me until things escalated and took a bad turn.
So, is jealousy destructive? I think it is. Jealousy is an ineradicable emotion. The mother of all sins. Add anger and the result of a jealous act can lead to devastating consequences. When we’re jealous, nothing else matters. We’re stuck in our own bubble and it’s incredibly hard for us to see things objectively because when something affects us so deeply the only action we end up taking is inconceivably subjective. And when the damage is done and we’re finally back to our senses, we can clearly see the wreckage we caused. The unfortunate part is when that happens, it’s already too late to undo what we’ve done or at the very least, try to fix it.
Felix Eberstark 