January 2, 2025

I met a guy named Scott today. I finally felt the urge to get out of the house this morning ’cause it’s starting to feel like the walls are closing in on me, and Ethan was obviously so bored (although he was polite enough not to complain about it). We went out for a walk in the park downtown. I took my camera with me to keep myself distracted while he played in the playground. That’s when I saw him walking my way. He had a small kid with him; a boy almost close to Ethan’s age. I kept taking pictures after I noticed him sit on the bench right next to mine. When his kid ran to the playground, I sensed him turning and looking at me. I pretended I didn’t notice and kept snapping pictures. That’s when he broke the ice and complimented my camera. I shyly smiled and thanked him. I don’t know what was up with me, I was just intimidated by him for some reason. He was one of those rare attractive, laid-back ginger guys who simply oozed confidence without even trying. He introduced himself and I did the same.

Scott Pullman looks like your average, normal next door guy with strong morals and an open mind, but to me he seemed to be way more than that. Maybe it’s because I had an instant crush on him as soon as our eyes met and he told me he was a photographer as well. Or maybe I’m just so lustful nowadays because I haven’t had any good memorable and intense sexual experience with anyone. I don’t know.

Scott’s main job is a manufacturing engineer. His favorite hobbies besides photography are golf and tennis. He loves animals; he has two cats and a dog. He’s also single dad. I could tell by the fact his finger was missing a ring. We haven’t talked much about his personal life, so I’m not sure if he’s bisexual or not, but for some reason, I could sense his interest in me increasing as we spent more time together. I introduced Ethan as my nephew when he presented his son, Jason. Part of me feels like we only bonded over our common interests, but I’m hoping for more. I was obsessively digging for signs that proved he was either romantically or sexually interested in me.

After our hangout at the park he invited us to dinner at his favorite spot. Things were moving fast and I was starting to get very high expectations. No one invites a stranger to dinner on the first encounter unless there’s an ulterior motive. As we ate and talked, I could feel my brain drifting far away. All of a sudden, I was so focused on his face. His tender green eyes, smooth jawline, messy brown hair. There’s something about the way he talked and laughed. Something natural and real. Something human. Meeting him was a release for me. I was able to see life differently. There was no anxiety, no worries, no stress. It’s like coming up for fresh air. And yes, it’s hard and sad to see how my relationship with Matt went down the drain, especially since I thought I had found the one. And although I know for sure we’re not over, I wanted to put all of that on hold and enjoy my time with Scott because in that moment, it felt like a weight has been lifted. Before I even knew it, the heartbreak and trauma I’ve experienced recently, that translated into a complete lack of sexual desire, was suddenly gone.

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