Matt and I aren’t talking. He realized I was avoiding him after that night, and he’s been acting a little off. Communication is kept to a minimum of “How was your day?” and “What’s for dinner?” I’ve been minding my own business, learning how to cook through cookbooks, watching some TV or running everyday errands.
He’s making me feel a little guilty; like I let him down or something. But he knows me very well. He knows that I would never go to the police, that’s why he’s been calm and reassured about the whole situation. Part of me feels bad about this. Because even without doing anything, he’s controlling me. He knows what’s inside my mind, and it’s like he’s manipulating me. I’ve thought about leaving him, but where would I go? Back to my tiny, little apartment in Iowa City? There’s absolutely nothing for me to do there anymore. I’m running out of money, can’t find a decent and permanent job, and I’m starting to get bored of living there. I’ve lived there for almost ten years now. And Matt has everything I need; a big apartment, money, comfort, sex. However, we haven’t had sex in two weeks. I just can’t do it. And I know if I keep resisting any longer, he’ll start looking for it elsewhere. I don’t want that, but I’m not going to give myself up to him completely to make sure that doesn’t happen.