Matt booked me a ticket to go visit him in Seattle for the first time. I was looking forward to seeing him again and acquaint myself with the space he lives in. The apartment building was located at the heart of Downtown Seattle and had a Beaux-Arts façade. Hand-carved busts were spread around the top floors looking down at me.
Upon my arrival, he asked me to meet him at the side door and I wasn’t sure why. He walked out in a black cardigan, jeans and sneakers and smiled but only slightly. I was put off by his distant demeanor and the fact he was treating me a bit cold especially when we passed by a few people living in the building. During our short walk to the elevator, I managed to get a glimpse of the interior. It combined original historical pieces with modern sophisticated elements. Golden undertones and wooden accents covered every corner. There was so much to see, but my eyes didn’t have enough time to inspect all the details. I was too focused on Matt.
In the elevator, I stood quietly beside him and refrained from making eye contact. He kept to himself too, looking downward, both arms stretched down, one hand gripping the handle next to him and the other one wrapped around the one located behind us.
“Thanks for coming”, he finally said, his eyes shining as if he had a low-grade fever.
It took me a second to consider the possibility he might’ve been crying, but that seemed unlikely. I also noticed dark circles under his eyes. Something wasn’t right, but nothing indicated that. The door to his penthouse suite was unlocked when he let me in. Inside, darkness seemed to prevail and for some reason he didn’t turn any of the lights on. His bedroom illuminated the hallway leading to it. Once we stepped in, he circled around me like a lion watching his prey. He took off his cardigan revealing a tight old t-shirt a bit too small for his body, its edges ending right above his waist. His jeans taunted against his rear as he went shirtless and revealed his smooth and defined back. He turned to me and I found myself confronted with yet another increasingly intense sexual power game where every movement and every gesture seemed to be orchestrated. I was subconsciously succumbing to the temptation and fully engaging with what I felt was some kind of role play situation where we both imperceptibly teased and seduced each other. The interactions leading to sex are slowly proving to be the highlight of our encounters. I’m starting to crave his sexual dynamic taking over me and breaking me out of my usual mold.
On the edge of the bed, a small white towel and a clear bottle of lube were set. Matt asked me to undress and lay on my stomach. He arched my back, spread my ass wide and started eating it. He spit and rimmed me before fingering me for a while to stretch me out. He gradually applied more strength as I groaned deeply in pleasure. I heard him reach for his nightstand drawer and opening it. The jarring sound it made startled me for a moment. He pulled out slick black butt plugs, covered them in lube and inserted each one inside me, gradually testing my limits to see how far I can get each one of them. After playing with those, he inserted various black butt plugs in which succeeded in stimulating my prostate so hard I almost came.
He eventually put the toys aside and started fucking me, accelerating the motion and brushing his big head against my prostate at every thrust. I pumped uncontrollable moans at every push. I felt his skin sweat and started touching his hips, nipples, neck, ears, hair with my hands, trying to take him all. When his climax approached, he started to groan deeply and softly. When we both reached the peak of our pleasure, I screamed, whimpered and hugged his body tightly as he unloaded inside me.
For once, Matt withdrew from sex which is quite unusual since he likes it so much he’s always looking to go for another round if not more. He tucked me in under the sheets and slid his arm under me and pulled me closer to him. I snuck my face between his arm and chest, right under his deltoid. The smell of his sweat was mild and pleasant. We laid in bed and captured our breaths. That
moment broke the barrier as we both finally shared an intimate moment that wasn’t strictly sexual. Being in his arms felt romantic and safe, and I could tell he was a bit anxious and uncertain. It felt as if I had given him something he’s been longing for for so long but didn’t know how to have. Within the confines of that, he gradually started to let his guards down and expressed some of his thoughts and feelings. It was the perfect time for me to get to know a little bit about him. I was really interested in seeing the side of him that no one else gets to see. I wasn’t preoccupied with figuring out his background but instead I wanted to discover and explore the things that made him unique.
Matt’s favorite colors are blue and wooden colors. When he was a child, his father took him to a farm and got him a rabbit he called Bunny. Bunny died when he was eight years-old. He loves contemporary art and literature, and is part of a monthly book club. The conversation then slowly drifted as we recounted some of our most erotic sexual encounters.
“There’s only a few I can think of right off the top of my head”, he started. “I had
a long layover in Copenhagen once, so I started cruising. I came across this cute European guy. I invited him over to my private lounge and fucked him in the bathroom. The other one was when I was young and extremely reckless. I was at a rave party in a basement. This guy was grinding on me which instantly turned me on. I was high on drugs, so I don’t remember exactly what happened. But I pulled out my cock and fucked him right there, on the dance floor. It was risky and unsafe, and I completely freaked out afterward.”
“That’s wild. Anymore?”
“Yes. I was grocery shopping once when I saw this handsome older man strolling through the aisles. I left everything and started following him. I hadn’t had much experience with men at that point and was hungry for thrilling encounters. When he checked out and left, he noticed me but kept going. I got in my car and followed him home. I parked my car across his driveway and he saw me as he was exiting his car. I was nervous, but I stood there and just stared at him. He walked up to me and asked me if I was following him. I told him I did, and the rest is history.
“You can’t just stop there! Tell me what happened.”
“What do you think happened?”
“You fucked.”
“Yes, we fucked. And it was great.”
I couldn’t help but feel a bit intrigued but also jealous. Him being a hyper-sexual risk-taker could mean he’s someone who’s unable to settle for one person and be monogamous, something I’ve been strongly considering the more we spent time together. To distract myself, I asked him more questions, leaving the most daring one for last.
“What is your crime”, I asked him.
“What is my crime? I’m not sure I’ve ever committed any crimes in my adult life, maybe back in my teens. I was not a good teenager.”
“Tell me more.”
“Maybe some other time.”
“That’s not fair. You know more about me than I do you.”
“Some other time, Felix. Now get closer.”
He moved his arm and pushed me toward him, grabbed my face and stuck his tongue deep into my mouth. I glued myself to him and reached under the sheets for his cock. I started to jerk him off as he kissed me. I got on top of him, horny again, and without any notice, stuck it inside him. He begged me to take it easy, but I didn’t. I fucked him senselessly until I came. After climaxing, I snuck back under his arm and closed my eyes. We remained quiet and immobile for a few minutes. Then, I heard his voice again:
“When I was a kid, I grew a temporary fascination with dolls. I was at the mall with my mom once and stole one. I was so thrilled. When I went home, I undressed her and studied her anatomy. It was the first time I’ve seen a woman naked. After that, I started messing with her and eventually cut her hair…”
“What else?”
“…well, I sort of got into this weird habit of stealing more dolls and doing things to them.”
“Like what?”
He restrained himself from talking and although curiosity was killing me, I decided to drop the subject and enjoy his company in silence.
I swiftly swung my feet off the bed and got up to get dressed which seemed to startle him. He turned to me, sat up straight and said:
“Is everything okay?”
“What do you mean?”, I answered.
“The way you got up. Did I say something wrong?”
“No. It’s all good. I’m just… It’s getting late and I wasn’t sure if I was staying.” “Of course, you’re staying. I invited you here.”
“I’d rather not, though. I’ll find a hotel.”
“Felix, are you sure everything’s okay?”
“Yes, Matt. I just need some space.”
“I understand.”
I stood up, put my clothes on, grabbed my duffle bag and aimed for the corridor. He didn’t move until I made it to his doorway. He showed up behind me and leaned against the wall. I paused and looked at him and him, me. I could tell he was worried. He probably thought his story freaked me out, but that wasn’t the case. I just needed to be alone to reflect on our relationship. I wanted to be ready for it. I saw a gleam in his eye as I said goodbye and reached for the doorknob. Once I twisted it and opened the door, he interrupted me again.
“When can I see you next?”, he asked.
“I don’t know. You’re the one with the schedule.”
“I’m leaving town tomorrow night for a week.”
“Cool. Text me when you get back.”
I pulled the door my way and walked out. I felt odd until I exited the building and started walking away. By the time I made it inside the hotel nearby, my phone beeped; he had sent me a message:
“I hope this isn’t goodbye for good.”
The next morning, I received another:
“I can still smell you on my sheets. I hope to see you when I’m back.”
For the remainder of my day in Seattle, I stayed in and retreated more into my obsession and infatuation with him. Something about our nights was enticing and magical. In my head, the memories play more as an erotic fantasy instead of sexual encounters that actually happened. Nothing about those nights feels real because everything about them is so perfect. And so I can’t help but be in turmoil. Because I know deep inside what we have is special, that the man I’ve always dreamed of has finally made his way into my life. And I couldn’t jeopardize that. I wouldn’t even know how to. Maybe I have to accept that for once, I got what I wanted.
Felix Eberstark 