August 15, 2014

Delving into something taboo is always scary, especially when done at home. I started camming a couple of days ago on Men4Cam and it’s been fun. Using Trevor Domvik as my fake name, I’ve made sure to never perform when my parents are around; I’ve tried doing it once, and my mom wasn’t pleased when she tried to get into my room once and the door was locked.

For my profile, I needed a typical headless, shirtless selfie to show off the goods. I had one up that I took in the spur of the moment in the bathroom. As I updated my profile information and looked at it more and more, though, I was afraid someone I know might recognize the background and got really paranoid I had to take it down and replace it with a more ambiguous one. I was also thinking less light.

Two nights ago, while my parents watched TV in the living room, I sneaked out of my bedroom and down to our basement. Last year, my mom had replaced our vintage mirror hung by the doorway with a newer, more polished one. She put the old one in the basement and covered it with a long, thick sheet. I used it to take the picture. After doing some pushups and crunches, I immediately got up, grabbed my phone and positioned myself conveniently to create a shadow over my face and some contrast to make my muscles pop. The only source of lighting was a tiny lightbulb located above me. I snapped a few pictures and headed back upstairs to change my profile picture.

The new one seemed to attract more attention since it showed more definition to my body. It has drawn hundreds of viewers to my profile, and in just one week, I’ve managed to gain myself a fan: quenlin218. This man is paying me fifty euros an hour to slowly undress and caress my body, and a hundred for masturbating. Sometimes, though, my penis would go limb and I’d lose focus, but when I think about the money, I get back into it almost instantaneously. I can feel the pressure I’m under increasing as the start of my first college year gets closer, and part of me feels like my parents are convinced I wouldn’t survive the move to the States. I can’t wait to prove them wrong. If I develop a clientele out of this then I’ll be able to live comfortably, and I won’t have to rely on them to do anything for me other than pay for my tuition. I’ve already set up a private bank account that the money I get from performing goes to, and issued myself a new credit card since my parents keep track of all my expenses.

I don’t understand where this fascination of being watched came from. What I know is that knowing I’m desirable and getting all this attention makes me feel good. Exploring dark things is exciting for me. Stimulation is what keeps me going. This is a way for me to exercise my hyper sexuality. I’ve been masturbating like crazy lately;  I just can’t seem to get enough. I guess putting myself in the spotlight is my new turn-on.

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