June 10, 2014

Watching porn; that’s how I’m spending most of my summer days. It’s either that or a sunbathing by Titisee Lake.

Titisee Lake brings back a lot of my childhood memories. When I was six years old, my parents decided to move us to a bigger house and they picked Freiburg because of its unique setting. The first few months sucked because I had no friends to play with and all my cousins lived hours away from us; not that I like any of them anyway. Maybe Céline, but she lives in Paris. I heard she’s majoring in english literature. We clashed when we were kids, but now that we’re older, I enjoy spending time with her whenever I get to visit her.

One year after we moved here, I was walking down the street when a soccer ball rolled in front of me. I picked it up and looked around to see who it belonged to. A guy, Axel, ran in my direction and thanked me for grabbing it. Behind him stood two boys, Leon and Mario. Little did I know we’d instantly become best friends and that we’d end up spending which I now recall to be the best years of my life. I was way nicer and friendlier when I was young, and it took very little to make me happy. Now, nothing ever fulfills me. I’m always on the lookout for satisfaction, but hardly anything seems to fill the void.

My first time dealing with separation came at the age of twelve when Axel moved to Canada and Mario, to Australia, the following year. Leon stayed, but for some reason we ended up growing apart. I see him occasionally, but our friendship isn’t as close as it was before.

Experiencing such abrupt separation hurts a lot, but it also challenges you to be brave and adaptable. After they left, I pulled back from involving myself with people, but by the time high school started, I found myself longing for human contact again. Picking up the pieces was tough and took some time, but I managed to do it. However, I’m now more cautious about getting too close. For the most part, it has worked with everyone but Hilda. No matter how much I try, I feel like we’ll always be connected to one another. We always find a way to each other no matter what happens. That scares me because she’s most likely to hurt me over and over again, and I’ll never be able to push her away.

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