May 17, 2014

I bought a belt today. It took me a while to choose the right one since I’m very picky. Before buying it, though, dad insisted I take a look at what he has and I wish I didn’t because one of them, a thick brown leather belt, I instantly recognized.

I thought I had forgotten about that day. The day my own father whipped me senselessly with that belt. I was twelve years old. Before that, he would usually use his hands to hit me, that’s why when it happened, I was in total shock I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I remember waking up late for school, and as usual, my mom was freaking out because missing the bus meant she had to drive me. As I put my clothes on, I couldn’t find the sweater I usually wore, and when I asked her where she put it, she said it was still in the washing machine. She insisted I wear this dreadful sweater that constantly made me itch instead, but I refused. That’s when she lost it and screamed at me which resulted in my dad waking up, alarmed and furious. Before I even knew it, he was in my room, with his belt in hand. He pushed my mom aside, walked toward me and raised his arm. What happened next was probably the most traumatic event of my entire childhood. It was so intense that my mind went blank as he continuously whipped me with it. I can’t remember how many times he did it, I don’t think it was for too long, but it certainly felt like it. All I remember are flashes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my dad so angry before. When the belt started leaving serious injuries around my face, my mom and Rosamunde finally interfered and stood in his way, bringing the whipping to an end.

I seethe with anger toward them until this very day, mainly my mother, because she never intervened in the defamation my father heaped on me that unexpectedly turned into outright physical violence. I’ll never understand why they didn’t stop him right away. They could’ve prevented things from going that far. I honestly thought he wasn’t going to stop. I thought my father had totally lost it. I thought he was going to kill me.

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